1. Perfectly Lonely – John Mayer
2. Be Somebody – Kings of Leon
3. Sex on Fire – Kings of Leon
4. Dreamworld – Rilo Kiley
5. Candy – Paolo Nutini
6. Use Somebody – Kings of Leon
7. Half of My Heart – John Mayer
8. Gravity (Live Version) – John Mayer
9. The Angels Hung Around – Rilo Kiley
10. Stars – Switchfoot
11. You’ve Got to Hide Your Love Away – Eddie Vedder (Beatles cover)
12. Friends, Lovers or Nothing – John Mayer
13. Holy Roller Novocaine – Kings of Leon
14. Coming Up Easy – Paolo Nutini
15. I Don’t Know What I Can Save You From – Kings of Convenience
16. Nuclear – Ryan Adams
17. All We Ever Do is Say Goodbye – John Mayer
18. Duet – Rachel Yamagata
19. This End of the Telescope – Jakob Dylan
20. I’ve Been Delivered – The Wallflowers
21. Empire of My Mind – The Wallflowers
22. How Far You’ve Come – The Wallflowers
23. The Right Place – Monsters of Folk
24. Who Says – John Mayer
25. I Want You – Kings of Leon

Wow, I totally rattled that list off without looking at my iPod! Maybe I need a new playlist. Heh.

(Disclaimer: I’m a slitwrist music sort of person, this playlist might more likely to induce sleepiness than upbeat running mood, if you’re, y’know, an upbeat music sort of person.)

I have been running somewhat steadily for the last few weeks/months. I use the word ‘running’ in its most generous sense, which also includes jogging for 5 minutes then walking for another 10, rinse and repeat. On average, I clock about 1km per 10 minutes (Usain Bolt has absolutely nothing to worry about), and each session I try to log at least 7km, and on a good day, 10km.

Recently my car had to spend a week at the workshop (WALK to the gym?! Are you mad?), and the day I picked up the car, I sprained my ankle during futsal later that night. Total week of immobilization = about two weeks. Although a huge part of me is glad that I have a valid excuse to skip gym, I couldn’t wait to get back on the treadmill. Yesterday, despite the ankle still being a bit stiff, I logged in 5km, and today 6km, trying to build up the distance again (and hopefully not pushing it).

When I just started going to the gym, I hated running on the treadmill. Even if it was just for warming up. I’ll wheeze and drag myself through the painful 5 minutes, looking at the timer every 10 seconds.

Somehow, now it’s become some kind of addiction. Something’s amiss if I don’t run two days in a row. So now I push myself, even if my ankle’s a bit stiff (I truly hope I’m not making it worse!). I can’t say that I’ve done that for any other kind of sports. And I’m trying to understand why.

There is something primitively simple about running. You don’t have to find another 9 people who are willing to spend an hour kicking a ball to do it. You don’t need a racket, you don’t need to rent a court, you don’t need to worry what the lifeguard will think of your two-piece bikini. All you need is some shoes (and the pair I’ve been using for years now is actually my sister’s) and some legs (preferably attached to non-stiff ankles). It would even be more simple if I’m willing to run in the sun (in this heat/possible rain/possible dog chase situation?! Are you mad?), but I don’t, so I drive 15 minutes to the gym to do this primitively simple activity in an air-conditioned and dog-free manner.

I am, actually, a restless sort of person. Restless and anxious, but lazy. Oftentimes, laziness wins, but as I roll around in bed, my mind runs around in circles, thinking it should be doing something, anxious that it’s not doing something mind-blowingly amazing. When I run, my mind just focuses on my breathing. It becomes more adept at shutting other things out. Haruki Murakami wrote that he runs to be in a void, and I now understand exactly what he meant. Before I did understand, though, running for me has just been 5 minutes of trashing my legs about, wheezing, checking the timer and thinking, thinking, thinking, when will the 300 seconds be up?

I run, and I get to shut other things out. I mostly run and stare at a spot on the wall, not the TV. Running in a void. It doesn’t mean that your mind becomes a calm, blank slate, of course. You’re just reprioritizing for a while, that it is of utmost importance that you put one leg in front of the other, and not lose your rhythm.

Everything else is secondary.

Sometimes, in life, you will just have to accept that there will be things that you will NEVER be good at.